DRUNK AS A SKUNK
by Bloodlustful
Summary: Post series. Fifi La Fume, after a less than pleasant encounter with Arnold The Pit Bull, tries to drown her sorrows with red wine. A whole bottle of it, and she gets drunk as can be in the process. What will happen? This story is recommended if you are a fan of Fifi La Fume(and who isn't one?)and especially if you like the Fifi/Hamton pairing.


Greetings! I am writing another fanfic of TTA, this time in the form of a fanfic centered around my(and many people's)favorite character of that series, the hot, beautiful and lovable flirt of a she-skunk who is Fifi La Fume! In this fic, after failing to find love for the umpteenth time, this time with emotional and physical abuse to go with it, Fifi is nothing short of depressed, sad and wounded, and attempts to take refuge in wine to dull her upset. But she does not take long to get wasted, and in the process of this, she and Hamton unexpectedly get closer. Let's see just how so.

THINGS TO NOTE:

This takes place two months after the series finale of Tiny Toons. Counting specials, by the way.

I own none of the characters, as they all belong to Tiny Toon Adventures.

This was partially inspired by the banned episode, One Beer, although unlike that episode, this is where being smashed is done in a light-hearted way, not portrayed as dangerous and/or life-threatening as it can be in real life and was in the aforementioned One Beer.

DRUNK AS A SKUNK

Things had not been going well for Fifi La Fume as of late. Despite how before this point, her grades had been superb and she had been doing quite well on the baseball team, not to mention how her funniness had provided a lot of laughter for her fellow students at Acme Loo, her luck had now run out. This was evidenced by the fact she had attempted to seduce and embrace Arnold The Pit Bull, who she had mistaken for a skunk due to how he'd been unlucky enough, when he was giving his house a black paint job, to spill black paint on himself in a way so only a long stripe down his back, the back of his head and the back of his tail was left, but her track record with that sort of thing ran true to form. And then some, really, since Arnold, after he was able to find a hose to wash himself off with and shock Fifi into seeing he wasn't a skunk after all, was, true to obnoxious form, unhesitant to come down on her.

As in, he went: "Now, you look here, you stupid bitch! Not only am I not a skunk, like you were dumb enough to mistake me for, but even if I were, do you think I would want a waste of space and life like you? Always hitting on every male you see! You're a slut, didn't you know that? You're a whore! A worthless tramp and floozy! No one ever wants you! Because of that AND your disgusting stench, which makes it rude enough as it is you'd even have the nerve to be alive! What purpose do you serve here, hmmm? Certainly nothing I know of! Face it! You'd think you'd get the hint by now! No one loves you! You'll never find anyone as a true love! You stink both literally and metaphorically! What fate was thinking when it inflicted a flirtatious and clingy hussy of a skank on this otherwise pure, clean and beautiful world, I've no idea at all! Just get out of my sight! You being in my presence is enough to offend me and cramp my style, much less chasing and lusting after me! I may love being the center of attention with the ladies, but you are anything but a lady, you insignificant waste of life!" Then, to add insult to injury, or, more accurately, injury to insult, he then had the balls to slap her across the face with one hand and punch her in the belly with the other, then he went to a gym he saw nearby to work out, flex his muscles and let of the steam he felt from her trying to get intimate with him. As well as see if the kinds of ladies he constantly loved being the center of attention of were there at this time.

Understandably, this resulted in poor Fifi breaking down into tears and sobbing with both heartbreak and severely hurt feelings, and it should be well noted that she was crying her eyes out considerably more from the rejection, the cruel, harsh treatment inflicted on her and the way she had once again gotten to be disappointed in love than the pain from Arnold's blows. And due to how this had happened plenty of times before and this most recent of them was the one which hurt the most, both emotionally and physically, it all resulted in her finally being unable to take it anymore. Fifi could not stop her tears. Indeed, she was nothing short of depressed, completely consumed by upset and incredibly unhappy. She broke down in her misery and heartache and wept: "LeBooHooHooHooHooHoo! LEBOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO! I cannot believe zis has once again happened! Alone again! When will it stop? Will it never end? Will I never find a true love? Ze pain from ze blows zat I got to my face and stomeech are like pampereeng next to ze heartbreak of ze worst magneetude I currently feel! Le sigh. How could anyone hate me so? Am I doomed to forever be leeving without love? Am I not beautiful? Am I not friendly? Am I not funny? Is zere no one who can weethstand my scent, wheech I just can't help, and love me with zeir heart and eyes, and not zeir noses? Why does Dieu hate me so? Why must I suffer like zis?"

Just as a new batch of tears was about to flood down her face the way the old ones had, Fifi noticed something which seemed like the perfect ticket out of the miserable, glum, forlorn and despair laden state she was currently think thanks to her tear-producing breakdown. It was a bottle of wine which she saw lying on the sidewalk where she was, and she saw that there was a couple walking away from it, the man saying: "That's where that wine belongs!" "Yeah!" agreed the woman. "It was not the kind either of us were expecting at all, and the year marked on it is an abysmal one! We'll just leave it for someone who doesn't care how it tastes and just wants to get drunk!" put in the man. Fifi, upon realizing that she wanted to get drunk badly and that she'd not be stealing if she took that bottle of wine, since the ones who'd obviously bought it had left it on the sidewalk as a gesture of their dislike for it, right down to even screwing the cap back on, plus hearing what the couple had even said, which further made her know what an opportunity to dull the pain she had here, did not hesitate to act.

She went right for the bottle of wine and looked up to the sky, going: "Merci, dear Dieu! Perhaps you do not hate me so after all, and it is ze bad forces of fate who mean to see me suffer, no?" She then opened the bottle of wine and said: "Bottoms up!" before drinking it down. By the time she had drunk the entire bottle down, she dropped it heavily and abruptly, because she was now drunk beyond belief. Though still conscious and able to move and speak, there was truly no denying she was thoroughly inebriated and royally fried. She staggered about boorishly on these streets, and ironically enough, she did so in a way of crossed and scrambled directions which, in the end, led to her ending up back at her junkyard home. Of course, she didn't notice, but plenty of people noticed her while she was going about, completely soused and absolutely out of touch with reality. And they were gawking at the sight of a Fifi who was literally drunk as a skunk. It was a shocking, off-putting and jarring sight for them, whether they were human or animal. But Fifi's luck was about to get better again, just like it did when she saw the bottle of wine, due to how one of the ones who'd seen her was the one who went by the name of Hamton J Pig.

He said: "Oh, my God! It's Fifi, and she's as drunk as all hell!" "You know her?" one person asked him. "Yeah, she's one of my classmates, and I've dated her before!" Hamton then replied. "How she got to be the way she is, I've no idea, but I've got to make sure she stays in the junkyard she's entered, which is her home, by the way, before she hurts herself and/or causes a riot throughout Acme Acres without even knowing about it!" "Then hurry! She's so drunk that she could easily decide to leave the place in seconds and go wherever the hell she wants to next!" another person said to Hamton, who quickly took off. Thankfully, by the time he got to the car in which Fifi lived, he saw that, to his relief, she was still in there. Going: "Phew…" after seeing it was so, he quickly got into the car and locked the doors, then he rolled up the windows to make doubly sure Fifi would remain her while her drunkenness ran its course. "Fifi? Hello? Can you hear me all right?" Hamton asked. "Eh…who jus'…zaid zat…" Fifi gargled. Hamton then told her: "It's me, Hamton, Feef! We're in your junkyard car home! You've had way too much to drink and you're loaded as a result! I have to keep you here until you get back to normal! And what happened, anyway, that could drive you to do such a thing to your body?"

"OOOOOH…I…waaaaaass…turned down by…Arnold…Zeeeee…Pit Bull…and he beat on meeeeeeeee…I zought I'd reached my lowest point and would never find true looooooovvve, yet zings got better…when I saw a discarded bottle of vine, no?" Fifi squeezed out as she stood up and stumbled about clumsily. "WHAT?!" Hamton cried out. "Arnold Pit Bull beat you! And just because you mistook him for a skunk and chased him? And so you decided to take refuge from the pain in getting yourself plastered? This is unacceptable!" Fifi and Hamton were close friends, and also on again, off again lovers. Furthermore, Hamton did not usually become mad or enraged, but this was too much for him. He could tell it was all Arnold's fault that Fifi first got hurt, in both the physical and emotional sense, and then got drunk, and since the bullyish, cocky pit bull wasn't exactly his favorite guy to begin with, not to mention how Hamton hated having any of his friends hurt and/or threatened, Hamton became extremely vindictive. This was not a feeling he normally felt, but this was one major exception to that, and for good reason.

However, after considering the facts, Hamton thought up the ideal solution to both Fifi's problem of being drunk and what it might lead to, since a lot of people saw her and no doubt were spreading the word right now, and to his new problem of anger, since he, like everyone else, knew Arnold well for his ego and thus even a small dent to it, much less the one he was intending, would be the perfect way to pay him back. Considering how it would be best to tell it to Fifi once her drunken state had worn off, he now would keep her company and try to make sure she did not cause bodily harm to herself while intoxicated. So, ignoring her scent, which was rapidly spreading throughout the car due to how loaded and lusty she was right now, something he had learned how to do long ago anyway, he walked over and rubbed her belly, causing her focus, or what was left of it, to be turned to him as she went: "Eh? What iiiiissssss…zis? I am getteeng a beeeeeelllllly ruuuuuuub, no?" "Yes, you are! From me!" Hamton told her. "Now, how about you come on over and sit down here on the couch with me where it's nice and soft and safe and warm, hmmm?" He gently but firmly pulled her over and sat down on the couch, subsequently holding her in his arms and hugging her, saying: "It's going to be a while before you're back to normal, but I'll happily help you out. Remember how you hugged me in a similar way to this that one time we won the Acme Bowl?" Fifi then said: "OOOOOOH…LAAAAA…LAAAAAA…I zink zziiiissss feeelzzzzz zzzzzooo good…moooon…aaaaaa…miiiii…"

"Small favors here…she's a nice drunk." Hamton thought to himself. "Even so, I've got a feeling it's not going to be easy keeping her under control until she regains her true state of mind and thus control of herself. Man, I normally prefer to avoid conflict and am not a vindictive kind of guy, but my GOD, is that rotten jerk Arnold going to pay for what he's done and caused! I'm gonna have to make sure the school knows in advance from both me and Fifi herself, but I know just the way to do that!" As he massaged her shoulders, he said: "Fifi, you can lie down on my legs, if you'd like." He sat down and lay back a bit for emphasis. "OUUUUI…OUIIIIIIIIII…eet eez sooooo gooooooood to know how you feeeeeeeel sooooo nizzzzzzee and coozzzzzzzzzzzzy, moinssssssuuueeeerr…" Fifi bayed while also wrapping her tail around Hamton. "Hoooooww's abbbooouuuttt zzeeeee tail hug offfff zeeeee centurrryyy cooommmeessss, hoooowwww yoooou saaaaaaayy, yooooooour waaaaaaaay, no?" She began to smooch him all over, but Hamton tried to gently push her off, saying: "Whoa, Fifi! Let's not get THAT intimate, okay?" "But surely eet is true you vant to be my hunk o' skunk, eesn't eet?" Fifi asked, in a confused tone of voice. "I'd truly love to turrrrrn up ze heeeeaaat in zis plllaaaaace weeth you, especially on a cold night such as zis, wouldn't you?" "Maybe, but not at this moment. You're in no shape for it." Hamton said.

"Oh, le ziiigh…what a deesapointment…" Fifi sighed. "I was hoping for ze piece de resistance entrée weeth you, mon love…" "Wait…I have an alternative… a good substitute…" Hamton suggested. "Why don't we lie down together and snuggle while I pull over the blanket? You look tired right now and I'm feeling that way all of a sudden, plus we're in your home and the bed thereof!" "Tired, you say? Oui…I suppooooosse…zat could descccribbeee how I feel at ziiiiss moment…" Fifi grumbled through her blasted state. "I can barely stand…and I feeeeeeeel so leemp, too…" She collapsed into him, and he fell back, then got a hold of the blanket as his head fell onto the pillow and hers onto his round, soft belly. He pulled it over them and they fell asleep, and by the time both had awakened the next day, Fifi was back to normal. She was going as they awoke: "Eh…where am I…where did I go…Hamton?" "Oh, good morning, Fifi!" said Hamton to her cheerfully. "Back to normal, I see! That's wonderful!" "Huh? What happened last night? I don't remember any of what happened seence I found zat red wine bottle on the ground! Do you know anyzing I don't?" Clearly, Fifi was quite confused, so Hamton explained to her the way she had gotten herself drunk by downing that entire wine bottle, and all it had led to, right down to how they fell asleep last night and were now in her car home together. By the time he was done, Fifi was extremely surprised, to say nothing of highly embarrassed.

"Mon Dieu…I cannot believe that I did zat…what was I thinking? Yes, I was depressed and wanted ze pain to end, but I should have known better zan to drink myself eento a stupor! I can now tell why I feel so awful, too. I've got a hangover…dammit…" She clutched her head and her stomach, and Hamton said: "It's okay. I'll get you some water bottles. That'll help make it go away. And I have an idea for how we can teach Arnold a lesson for the way he treated you." "Merci…both for ze water and lookeeng after me in my time of need. You are a true friend to me, Hamton. And a good person, err, peeg." Fifi told him. "And zat awful peet bull! Beating me for meestaking heem for a skunk and calling me offenseeve terms for weemen galore…I'm truly lookeeng forward to your plan to teach that arrogant bastard a lesson!" "I'm glad to hear it, and you're very welcome, but he insulted you, too?" Hamton asked, turning around in shock. "Oui, he called me theengs like stupeed bitch and slut and whore and tramp and, how you say, floozy and hussy! Thees was before he, how you say, smacked my face and punched me in the guts!" "That no-good, dirty, rotten…" Hamton began, but then he said: "Fifi, after you've had your water and are back to normal, how about we discuss the way he's gonna pay for how he treated you?" "Sounds good, mon a mi." Fifi nodded. So Hamton got her the water bottles and, as she picked them up to drink, she told him: "Merci…"

Once Fifi had drunk enough water so her hangover had ended, Hamton then told her: "My idea is as follows…" Fifi nodded, indicating she was listening. Hamton then went on: "It's just become the bright, early morning, and everyone else is getting themselves washed up, dressed and ready for breakfast. How about we wash up and everything, and then we both go to Acme Loo earlier than everyone else, get some cafeteria breakfast and let Principal Bugs know that there's something important you need to inform everyone of in the auditorium before the school day starts. Then, after you fill everyone in on what happened and how things led to you getting canned, surely Arnold's reputation will go down the tubes at the same time you'll have exonerated yourself! And with me letting them know I was there and backing you up, it can't fail! And, since that pit bull bully thrives on his popularity and pride, this will be the worst way you can teach him a lesson and hit him where it hurts! Usually, I don't go down this kind of path, but I just can't let the way he treated you go unpunished!" "Oui…and merci! This is the best plan imageenable, no?" Fifi responded. "So let's get goeeng! We don't want to be anything short of early, now do we?" So they got themselves washed up and Hamton got on a different set of clothes, though one that looked identical to the one he'd worn yesterday and all his other sets of blue overalls, and once Fifi had a new bow, which was identical to the one she'd worn last night, on her head, both of them left her home and walked to Acme Looniversity together.

And, though he said nothing about it, Hamton was glad that he was finally out of range of the scent Fifi had given off all night in the car, which was worse than usual due to how hideously hammered she'd been. And that was quite a statement, in her case. Hamton could ignore it due to how much he adored Fifi and vice versa, but even that was tested last night. Thankfully not to the extent where it would make Hamton snap, though. Anyway, once they got into the school, they'd get themselves breakfast(Fifi got pancakes and eggs while Hamton got pretty much everything, and both had coffee to drink, in order to make sure they'd stay wide awake)and then go to see the principal, Bugs Bunny, as so to request Fifi have her speech before the school day started, fully explaining everything that had happened. Bugs not only granted them their request, but he told them he would call Arnold and demand that he come to Acme Looniversity and apologize to Fifi for the way he acted towards her the previous day. Both thanked him and went to the auditorium, both getting ready for their respective roles. Fifi as the one who would make the speech and her swine pal as the one who, if she needed backup, would provide it for her. As soon as everyone had learned from Bugs of what was taking place, everyone came to the auditorium, though some sympathized with Fifi's plight and admired her courage here(such as Babs and Shirley)but others saw it as a chance to get a good laugh out of her misfortune the first chance they got(such as Montana Max).

As soon as Fifi could see that everyone was ready, as well as that she'd memorized her speech well and Hamton knew just what words he'd choose if she asked him for backup, she'd get going with her speech: "Bonjour, class of Acme Loo, and good morneeng. As I zink a lot of you may have heard on zee news this morning, seeing as how the crazy stroll I took last night got me into a lot of places before I finally got back home by chance and by luck, I got myself badly drunk and intoxicated last night. All because I saw eet as an easy way out of ze depressed, hurt, despaired and saddened state I was een last night. Though I had a good reason to feel as I deed, namely how Arnold The Pit Bull insulted me een a way which cut me to zee core and then had zee nerve to beat on me, ze way I handled it was foolish and unwise, somezeeng I should have been able to see even in ze meeserable phase I was goeeng through. Especially seence zis all happened because of a, how you say, meesunderstanding. I had meestaken Arnold for a skunk, and when I found out he wasn't, ze way he reacted was uncalled for and inexcusable. But I'm not goeeng to act like I should have used my hardsheeps as an excuse to get myself slammed. Eet was both an easy way out and one I should have been strong enough not to take. But through both zat ordeal, all it led t o me doeeng, all it could have led to me doeeng had my good friend Hamton here not seen me and helped keep me in my home during my time of drunkenness…"

She motioned her hand towards Hamton, pausing from talking into the microphone which she was using for this auditorium speech, and Hamton, able to tell she wanted him to add in his part of this, said: "Just to clarify, I was out on the street that night, and once I saw she was going into her home, I locked the doors and closed the windows, plus did all I could to comfort her. It wasn't easy, but it worked, and when we woke up the next morning after falling asleep in each other on her couch, I filled her in on everything." "Merci." Fifi told him.

Then she said: "And, as said before, through all I've just mentioned, I've now become as strong as I should have been at that time. I was weak before, and I should have known that alcohol, however tempteeng it may be, is not ze answer to one's problems. Getteeng drunk will not make the downsides of life go away, and eet weel, een ze long run, how you say, make zings worse, as once it wears off, zen chances are you'll have a hellish hangover. I had one zis morning before ze ever so helpful and kind Hamton provided me with water to make it stop, and let me tell you all, eet was NO fun to be going through. I am now all ze wiser and stronger for having learned what I have, and tryeeng to hide from bad theengs in your life is no way to live in zis world. No more than losing hope and/or geeving up is. Learn from my meestake and do not make ze same one wheech I did. Just as I learned from it and am never goeeng to make another one like it again. Booze is not the answer to anyzing, no matter how inviteeng it is when one is in zeir darkest hour. Zough Bugs informed us while we asked heem permission to do zis that he'd seen ze morning news and that no one had been hurt or killed, nor any property damage caused of any kind, I and ze rest of Acme Acres may not have been so lucky. So zis time we catch a break, and ze last zing we want to do is abuse zat preevleedge. And I fully apologize to anyone who I shocked and/or put off when I was going about ze streets all boozed up last night. Just as I fully zank Hamton for all ze aid he provided me when I needed it most and all of you for both listening to zis speech and hearing me out. Merci."

Fifi then bowed down and Hamton started clapping, and so did everyone else with the singular exception of Montana Max. Because, unlike the others, who were speechless at how well Fifi had done this, how proud they were of her and how moved and impressed they were by this(even Plucky, who was very hard to impress and rarely felt this way about anything, Sweetie, who was normally annoying and mean, especially towards Furrball, Dizzy, who usually couldn't understand a lot beyond his next meal, television show and/or rock song and Little Beeper, who typically liked to keep up ahead of everyone and act mockingly towards others, especially where Calamity Coyote was concerned), which meant anyone outside of Monty who was going to try and mock Fifi before if they got a chance now was completely opposed to it, here was the thing.

Max was unable to believe there hadn't been a chance to degrade and deride Fifi about her drunken adventure the night before, and seeing one when the beautiful purple and white skunk asked: "Merci, all of you. Eet is most appreciated. You are all good friends, no? Before I step down and ze school day begeens, does anyone have anyzing to say?" Monty promptly leapt at his chance and raised his hand into the air, calling out: "Hey, La Fume! I've got something to say!" He then ran up to the stage, snatched the microphone(which was one of those hand held microphones, by the way)out of her hand and spoke as loudly as he could into it to the rest of the auditorium the following words.

"FIFI IS A DRUNK SKUNK! FIFI IS A DRUNK SKUNK! FIFI GOT WASTED! FIFI FRIED HER BRAIN! FIFI MAIMED HER LIVER! FIFI IS A LITERALLY STINKING DRUNKARD! FIFI IS A STUPID SKUNK! FIFI IS A LOADED LOSER! AND ALSO A HANGOVER HARLOT!" He then started laughing hysterically to the point of cackling, in addition to putting his hands behind his rear along with the microphone so he could laugh louder, and throwing his head back and up into the air for the same reason. "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS DIDN'T SEE THE PERFECT TIME AND CHANCE FOR US TO HAVE FIFI AS OUR PINCUSHION! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THE DRUNK JOKES WE COULD HAVE MADE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THE BIMBO AND DITZ TERMS WE COULD HAVE THROWN AT HER! HAHAHAHA! WHY IS IT I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SEE THE OBVIOUS? HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SHE NEEDED A PIG TO GO AND SAVE HER, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! A PIG! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH A!"

Just as Fifi was going: "Le sigh…" unable to believe that even a douchebag like Monty would do such a thing as this after she just finished acquitting herself in such a heartfelt and well spoken, soul touching way, and the ones in the auditorium, along with Hamton, were producing a lot of disapproving glares of ire at Monty's behavior, karma quickly stepped in. Monty suddenly had both a urinary incontinence and a sudden flatulence, both from how much he was laughing his head off and cackling his guts out nonstop, to the point his face was turning red and lots of tears were going down his face. Furthermore, not only did he really take a big piss into his pants, which was easily visible to everyone, but the fart he took happened right into the microphone, and both occurred at the same time, causing him to go: "HUH?!" while he was stunned into an extremely rare state for himself…that of utter silence…and so were Fifi, Hamton and the whole crowd in the auditorium. But after a few moments, Plucky exclaimed: "OH, MY GOD! DIDJA ALL SEE AND HEAR WHAT I DID?! Montana Max just peed in his pants and farted into a MICROPHONE! AT THE SAME TIME!" He, along with the rest of the crowd, Fifi and Hamton, all burst into laughter after Monty whimpered: "Uh-Oh…" and the laughter was so, so uproarious that Monty went running out of the auditorium, whining and sobbing and bawling as he did so: "OH, NO! MAKE IT STOP! HELP ME! MOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMYYYY!"

Once he'd disappeared from the room and the laughter had died down, Fifi said to them: "Mark my words, Mon A Mis, ze laughs Monty will provide us with from zis point on are going to be endless!" She said this after picking the microphone, which Monty had dropped while he ran away crying like a big baby who'd just pissed in its diaper, by the way. Anyhow, just as she was about to step down, after she, Hamton and the others had one last laugh about Montana Max pissing and farting himself from too much laughter, she saw that Arnold The Pit Bull had just arrived in the auditorium. "Well, look who eet ees!" Fifi said as he walked over to where she was on the stage. "Eets about time you showed up. After what you did yesterday, I demand a full and sincere apology from you zis instant!" "Especially since Principal Bugs, after granting us this time for Fifi to do her speech and me to back her up when needed, informed us that he would see the word about why Fifi got drunk was spread, so by now, there's no way everyone doesn't fully know about your part in this, you good for nothing bully!" Hamton put in. "Beat our friend, will you, and right after insulting her, all over a trivial, minor misunderstanding, no less?" Babs then asked. "Like, you screw with one of us, musclehead, you screw with all of us!" Shirley added. Calamity held up a sign which said: "You seriously need to learn some fucking manners, you meatheaded asshole!" while all the other ones who were still in the audience gave Arnold the middle finger, or, in some cases, as close as they could to that. Furball even threw in an angry hiss towards Arnold for good measure. And a showing of his claws for emphasis, both done due to how he usually did not talk.

Let's not forget all of the audience, along with Fifi and Hamton, were glaring at him resentfully the whole time, and for good reason. Even the usually nice ones had gotten the worst brought out in them. Arnold, however, was completely unapologetic, which he proved by saying to Fifi: "Yes, I know everyone knows by now! I had to put up with all kinds of crap on the way here after Bugs called me and demanded me to come here and apologize to you! My reputation is ruined and I am a hated outcast, all because of you and your pig friend and your big mouths, you insignificant runt of a petty, pointless, waste of space stinkbomb girl! You listen and listen good, La Fume…" He then puffed out his chest and continued: "…not only am I not going to apologize to you or even congratulate you for your stupid, sucky speech which I didn't even have to be present at to know it was a failure, just like the one who made it, but you're going to learn what happens to those who ruin my image and cramp my style! The hard way!" He kicked her in the side and pushed her down, shocking everyone who was watching, be it Hamton or the audience, but when he tried to punch her in the face, Fifi blocked it and kicked him in the balls as hard as she could.

"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH!" Arnold yowled, and Fifi sprung back up and sprayed him with her disgusting skunk musk, the rage she was now feeling causing it to reek all the worse. Arnold began choking and gasping from the god-awful stench, and Fifi then said to her pit bull adversary: "So, even when you owe me an major apology and I've exonerated myself entirely, after being through all I have been through since yesterday, you still have ze balls to try and insult and abuse me, do you? Well, zat will never be allowed by me, do you fucking hear me, you muscleheaded motherfucker?!" She punched him in the jaw twice more before kicking him in the stomach, which proved easier than it would have normally due to how her kick to his nuts and her choking him with her scent weapon had weakened him considerably, and she made her tail wrap around him so she could slam him left and right. Then she constricted him and let on out: "You are nozing more zan a bully and a coward who terrorizes zose weaker than you are and has no qualms about hitting women who you don't flirt with, nor about abusing anyone else physically and/or verbally! Truly, Arnold The Pit Bully, you stink! And coming from me, zat's saying a lot, since I am a skunk! A skunk who has had it with you and who has never been zis angry in her entire life!" She tossed him to the ground and ran over to strangle him, then pick him up and head-butt him in the face.

After this, Arnold tried to surrender by putting his tail in between his legs, going: "No…I beg of you…please…no more…I surrender…I give up…I'm sorry…have mercy…" "You would have ze gall to beg for mercy when I am in zis much of a fury, and when you showed none to me or any of your past victims? I would, how you say, have zought you to care more about what tiny amount of dignity you may have bad before zan zat! But even zat went out the window! So, you give up? Well, guess what, you bastard? I DON'T! Ze temerity of you to only try to apologize in any way at all when I'm mopping ze floor with you! Not even Johnny Pew made me as angry as I am now, and he betrayed me by giving my photograph and his autograph on it zat I wanted to another girl, right after he treated me like a slave, pissing me off beyond description! Oh, and speaking of zat…" She landed a few more punches and kicks on Arnold after smacking him with her tail and spraying him with more odor gas from that same tail, then took a hold of the scruff off his neck. She turned to the others and told them: "I would like to let it, how you say, be told to all of you that zee Johnny Pew I speak of was once my idol and a movie star actor, until I tried to get his autograph on my photo of him after meeting him in person! He just made me into a lackey and did ze aforementioned betrayal you just heard me speak of! When I flew into a rage, I, how you say, grabbed hold of hees sorry ass and keecked heem out of ze movie theatre we were in at ze time it happened!"

Following this, she pointed to the auditorium's doors in the distance, making sure all of the audience looked out to them, and then continued on by saying: "And well, call me, how you say, sentimental!" She looked down to Arnold and snarled: "Au Revoir, you son of a beetch!" He begged and whimpered: "No…no…please don't…" But she paid his begging no heed and gave him as much of a break as he gave her the night before. She punted him so hard that he went flying across the auditorium and sailing through the doors, where he promptly left a hole shaped like himself while landing on the ground and passing out on the other side. Fifi's rage was spent and she was back to normal, but everyone cheered for her and she bowed down with her pretty eyes closed and a beautiful grin on her face. "Merci, merci, merci very much!" she said, and she could tell that this was going to be the best day of her life before it even started. When everyone left the auditorium except her and Hamton, though, it went from wonderful to outstanding.

"Fifi, that was incredible!" Hamton told her as he walked over and held her hand. "I'm prouder to be your friend than ever! Way to go and way to show that mean, nasty bully and jock jerk what for! I know I'm normally calmer and more relaxed than this, but concerning this incident in particular, even now, I just can't help myself!" "Funny, I hear zat from Babs a lot!" Fifi said, giggling. "But seriously, monsieur Hamton, zank you for all you've done for me and all your support. Merci for all of it. I don't think I'd have been able to do zis without the help and information you provided me weeth. And merci for all ze praise you just given me now! You truly deserve a reward…come to me…" She pulled him in and hugged him, then she placed her lips onto his, and Hamton accepted the kiss and kissed and hugged her back. The two embraced and kept as they were for some time, with Fifi wrapped her tail around Hamton and herself. The kiss and embrace of a love fest ended after a few long moments, and Fifi said: "Well, it's time to start classes, but if you'd like, you can come hang out with me after school." "Funny…" Hamton told her, "I was about to say exactly that to you!" They smiled at each other and held hands, then walked to their first of classes, only letting go of each other's hands when they had to sit down at their desks and listen to their lessons.

THE END

So, how was this for you? Please rate and review, especially you Fifi fans!


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